Stepping Back

 

   My recent blog posts have been about my foray back into fabric. If you know me at all you know that I have had a long and very intimate relationship with fabric. Simply put, I love it. I grew up with fabric, made my own barbie clothes when I was tiny. Made a lot of my clothes in highschool. Fashioned my children clothes and embroidered their sweatshirts and dresses. I spent over a decade of my life in downtown Seattle manipulating the threads of fabric to invisibly mend everything from suits to cashmere sweaters to an almost century old teddy bear. I then went on to spend another ten years manipulating threads into my own visions of art and dyeing beautiful pieces of luscious silk and velvet. To say I have an intimate relationship with fabric is putting it lightly. So of course when I was at my lowest that I have been in years I turned back to the comfort of my cloth. I needed to be surrounded with the piles of color and texture. It was very hard for me to leave them to go down south this year for Christmas. 

      Now that I have returned, I have sat here for a month and can not move forward. I know I have been combating this illness (four months now) but that is not enough for this blankness. I simply hit a dead end. Instead I dream of jewelry designs. I didn't want these designs, I wanted to sew. I ignored them and instead would sit for days staring at that piece and feeling nothing. I cut the sun out because it was really disturbing me but it didn't help. I scribbled sketches but they all felt flat. So I am admitting defeat for now. If I have learned one thing about my art in all this time it is that I can't force it. If it isn't there then I need to step away until it returns.

    

     Therefore I am returning to my wire. If that is what is speaking to me then that is where I am at! I started a year ago to teach myself how to use wire professionally. It was my goal for 2016 and I am very satisfied with the results. I feel that I can make a professional piece now that is worthy of a place in my shop.

       My goal this year is to get my business license back up and running. This is a big one because the laws here in France changed. I am now required to take a week long business class in french. I can speak french, though not well. My biggest problem is I have a very hard time understanding people when THEY speak french. I can't imagine how I will do trying to learn on a subject I have always been awful at. Business is not my forte. Wish me luck as I truly need it. My second goal for this year is getting my shop repopulated with new work and be back in business. I do have quite a few things already made, Many designs I can work off of and many dancing around in my head.

      So for now I am setting aside my fabric once again. I apologize if I led you on (Linda you know this is for you) This doesn't mean I won't pick it up again. It is all right here in front of me. My threads and needles, bits of fabric in baskets and such. It only takes a stretch of my arm and they could be in my hands again. I admit defeat for the moment though and follow what is speaking to me. Well, I always have been a little flighty! Haha.